A Self-Help Addict Exposed - Proactive Insanity. How You Can Avoid It or Reverse It.
Audible at Three Times Normal Speed
“Wait, wait wait - hold it - hold it. So let me get this straight,” the counselor said to me that cold November day many years ago. “You listen to audiobooks on audible at 3 times the normal speed while working out… that doesn’t seem normal. How do you understand the material and how much of it do you actually retain? And what is the topic? Oh… I got it… How to Stop Your Addiction to Technology.”
Yep. That was me back then - a special kind of fucked up. I know Al, the Psych.D. that I was working with was probably thinking - damn, this dude is crazy. Let’s back up a few years so you can understand the story.
Surround Yourself With Wise Counsel
A good friend of mine gave me a book to read (go-figure… feeding the self-help addiction) about 15 years ago and it said in the book - surround yourself with wise counsel. Ok. So I am a lawyer and consider myself to be pretty fucking wise :-) and don’t need any help with anything. Wrong. The asshole lawyer mode (that I suffered from back then) didn’t kick in and I decided that I might heed the advice. So, my wife and I sought out some help with counseling on how to be parents. I mean shit - I had graduated from law school and the wife graduated from pharmacy school but we had never been to school on how to be parents and we had a kid on the way. So a little schooling seemed appropriate.
So, we used the Google and found a counselor to help us get wise about becoming parents. At our first meeting, Al said, “I have been doing this for quite some time and have never had anyone come in proactively. Most people come in after problems have started…” . Well, I’ll be damned… maybe that advice from the book was good advice. LOL. So, that one tip in that one book made a huge difference in my life - and as a result, I had to read more and more and more and learn more and more and more. Sounds like an addiction (not an Egyptian…).
Enough Psycho-Therapy to Make Us Psycho
That was the year 2006. Here we are almost in 2020 and we are still seeing Al. We have had so many hours of psycho-therapy that it probably has made us psycho. But, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if we had not started seeing Al that I would be divorced and dead. Instead, going to see Al started us on a journey that I never dreamed possible. It has been hard and sad and stupid and fun and freeing and joyous - all in the same journey.
Human Doing and Not a Human Being
Starting counseling just continued to fuel my self-help addiction. Always trying to get better and more efficient and work harder and smarter and faster because by God, I was a fucking human doing and not a human being. I am a doer - I know shit and I do things and I do it all over the top and do so much more than most humans can do. But, although it may look good from the outside looking in, it isn’t sustainable and is quite stupid to run yourself into the ground. There exists a better way and we have always known it, we just have to remember it.
A Stupid Level of Books and Reading
I have read so many books about life, motivation, getting shit done, money, marriage, kids, practicing law, business, investments, sports and such that I ran out of places to store the books. So, I had to hire someone to cut the spines and scan the pages in and convert to PDF. And don’t even ask about Kindle and Audible. Thousands and thousands and thousands of titles right at my fingerprints 24/7 and 365. And if you follow people that teach about Kindle publishing or if you read books about writing as a Kindle author and you hear the author talking about the person whose price point is at $.99 to $2.99 per book - yeah - that person is yours truly - me. I can buy some damn Kindle and Audible books - it just made me feel so much better just to buy and buy and buy books and books and books and of course, I read them because I had taken a speed reading class and I could read pretty damn fast. Also having been through law school, I can read and comprehend most things pretty easily and hit the high points. I guess it could be a blessing but also a total fucking curse.
All of these things were great before we had children and when my wife and I could work 19 or 20 hours a day and I had plenty of time to read and consume boatloads of content. But I learned some things about myself as I went through that and broke the habit of that addiction to self-help and self-improvement. I learned that I don’t have to do those things - that I am good enough just the way I am. I can do those things but I don’t have to.
Addiction is Only the Symptom of an Underlying Problem
Addiction to anything whether it is self-help books or exercise or alcohol or drugs or whatever is only a symptom of an underlying problem. And it fucking sucks to be sucked into that problem. My mindset was always if the secret lies in that one book and I don't read that book then I'm fucked. But in order to beat any addiction, we have to go within and unpack all of the bullshit and figure out why we do what we do and act the way that we act. Although it sucks when you are in it, once your time comes and you can dig yourself out then you come out a much better person and so much healthier and happier.
Growth Can Be Difficult But So Fucking Worth It
I wouldn't trade that experience and all of the other things that I've struggled with in my life for anything. I am so thankful for Al and for all of the other healers and gurus and people who have crossed my path that have helped me to see the way out. And the amazing thing is that I learned so much going through all of the shit that I have been through. And I am excited to share it through this channel at this point in my life. I have been and will continue to share it through my law practice as well because it is certainly needed out there in that realm - but this space is also going to be special and fun and needed.
From Fucked Up To a Magical Life
I finally figured out the reason I was so fucked up. And it was from years and years and years of external conditioning and internalizing a bunch of shit that caused me to have some really, really fucked up beliefs about the way I should work and the way the world works. But all of that shit fueled the growth that I have experienced. So, I am really thankful for all that I have been through. My life is quite magical now and I live a life that I never ever thought possible even a few short years ago. Don’t misunderstand - I still struggle and am far from perfect but I am happy and I know that I am lovable and good enough. I am a kick-ass lawyer and very successful but I count success in different ways - the main thing now is driven by my desire to relieve human suffering and not an insatiable desire to prove to myself that I am good enough. I have tens of thousands of satisfied clients and 500+ 5 Star Reviews that have proven that over and over and over again.
The Human Condition is the Belief that We Are Not Good Enough - And It’s a Lie
I have learned that the human condition is the deep down belief that somehow we aren’t good enough and we have to do something or do more in order to be lovable - and we all suffer from it - some more than others but we all still suffer. And it is a fucking lie. My personal experience and the experience I have from 16+ years of practicing law handling mostly criminal cases and professionals that get in trouble with their Boards has proven to me that the problem is real - until you believe that you deserve it, until you believe that you are good enough, until you learn to love yourself, you will continue to struggle. You may struggle with and suffer from addiction issues, health issues, work issues, depression, anxiety, relationship problems - whatever it is, it always, always, always is directly or indirectly caused or at least related to your belief that you are not good enough. No more striving, over-achieving, worrying or waiting for the other shoe drop. Everything is going to be OK.
Even Being the Best Was Never Good Enough
Even with all of the good shit I had done and continued to do, I still suffered - I finished my undergraduate degree in four years with a major in finance and two minors, went immediately into law school with great grades, made Law Review, had a job when I got out (that I resigned from after only a matter of days to start my own law firm), very successful law firm over the past 16+ years, have helped thousands of people, I love practicing law, clients love me, have made lots of money, beautiful and very successful wife that loves me unconditionally, amazing children, etc. etc. And all of this still wasn’t fucking enough. But why? Now I know why.
Not Perfect But in a Pretty Damn Good Spot These Days
So, I look forward to being able to expand on many of the topics in here and look forward to sharing more. I am so proud to be a self-help addict exposed. So thankful that the seed was planted to surround myself with wise counsel and so glad to have caused myself proactive insanity :-) through so many psycho-therapy sessions that it caused us to go psycho - without all of that I wouldn’t be where I am today and I am proud to say that I am not perfect and I am a continuous project but I am in a pretty damn good spot these days. Humans learn and grow through life experience - we have to have the contrast and to experience what we don’t want in order to know what we do want.